Saturday, June 30, 2007

Top 10 Elevator Pet Peeves

As some of you may know, I work on the 19th floor of an office building. Therefore, I get to take a few elevator rides each day and am forced to witness some infuriating behaviors along the way. Since I am not allowed to berate random passengers as a practicing Christian, I have decided to vent a bit on my blog. Enjoy.

10. Pressing a button that is already lit. This could be a floor button, or more commonly, the up or down button in the lobby. Hey Sherlock, your pressing it again does not suddenly accelerate the inner workings of the elevator system.

9. The Conversation Sandwich. This is where I am already on the elevator and two people get on and decide to get on either side of me and then continue their enthralling discussion on how much they dislike Susie or the fact that Subway was out of wheat bread at lunch. These are usually the times I wish I was deaf.

8. This is a derivative of #9 and happens often. I'll be in the elevator, facing the doors, and someone will get on, usually a guy, who decides to stand sideways so he is staring at me while I continue to look at the doors. This can be a precursor to his poor attempt at starting a conversation, but more often it simply creates an awkward ambience that no amount of wishing will erase.

7. The Front and Center Guy. He is so eager to get off the elevator (who can really blame him) that he will shuffle toward the front and stand with his nose two inches from the doors as he awaits his floor. This one is actually more funny than annoying but it is awkward watching him breathe into the metal as he hopes the door opens before he actually walks straight into it.

6. The Lunch Inquiry. I usually get my lunch at the cafeteria on the second floor or occasionally leave the building to grab it at a nearby eatery. I greatly dislike someone eyeing my lunch as I bring it back to my office like they are a cheetah stalking an injured gazelle. Just eyeing it wouldn't be so bad...it's the comments I can do without. "Ohhh...Subway...that is good." Thanks Betty for approving of my lunch choice. I wasn't sure I was actually going to eat it until I got your seal of approval.

5. The Smokers. There is a smoking lobby on the second floor and I often get to ride back up with these lovelies. It's like Pigpen from the Peanuts cartoons...on come the physical specimens with their personal cloud of smoke. That's enjoyable in a confined area.

4. The Snails. These tend to be the heavier and older elements of the population but it can also apply to people who simply move at their own pace regardless of how it affects others. So, as I am waiting for the herd to exit the elevator, the doors will start to close just as the last one limps out and by the time I get through the crowd the doors shut and I have missed my ride.

3. The Holders. I am riding down and the elevator stops on the 14th Floor. One person gets on and then bars the door open with their meaty hook as they yell down the hall, "Hey Frank! Hurry up!" Frank is apparently engaged in some other activity that takes precedence over getting to the elevator in a timely manner but that doesn't dissuade his co-worker from waiting longer. Not until the elevator makes a sickly buzzing sound and the doors start to close on their arm does this experience come to a merciful end.

2. The Phone Guy. Usually a guy with the Wi-Fi earpiece who feels like he is Mr. Business and needs to be yapping 24/7. Of course he gets louder once he gets in the elevator because the cell phone reception isn't very good. He is oblivious to everyone but the invisible person yelling in his ear. The only saving grace here is the fact that sometimes his phone will simply drop the call. Those are the kind of moments I live for.

And the number 1 Elevator Pet Peeve...The Budger. These are the people who start to get on the elevator before everyone has gotten off which usually leads to some sort of mass confusion and crowd control issue that is completely unnecessary. They apparently can't wait 3 seconds to get their favorite place in the back left corner. This is the best example of simply not caring at all about the people around you and that is why it lands at number 1.

I hope you have enjoyed. Good night and God bless.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

"Planned Parenthood"

Yes, I've been gone for awhile. Missed me? Thought so. I'll be catching up on a few thoughts over the next week or so but wanted to get this out as I am tired of seeing it sit in my inbox.

Democrat committee members recently voted to raise Title X "family planning services" spending from $283 million to $311 million. One of the biggest recipients of these funds is Planned Parenthood, which has to be the most misleading name in the history of this country as it's only goal is to help you plan how NOT to incur the dreaded disease of parenthood. PP already has assets of $840 million and does not need government subsidies, i.e. our tax money, to continue killing babies.

The 2005-2006 Planned Parenthood Annual Report shows that they performed a record 264,943 abortions in 2005. Anyone want to guess how many adoption referrals were recorded? That's right - zero, zilch, nada. They are not in the business of helping women. They are in the business of making money through legalized murder.

Monday, May 21, 2007

From the "Do as I say, not as I do" file

“After the political and media fallout following New Jersey Gov. Jon Corzine's multiple-lawbreaking April car wreck (he was hurtling seat belt-less at 91 mph), one might suppose lawmakers would start paying a bit more attention to their comportment behind the wheel...

“Evidently not. According to the Vallejo Times Herald, California State Sen. Carole Migden plowed her taxpayer-bought Toyota Highlander SUV (the hybrid version, of course) into the back of a Honda sedan with enough force to send it slamming into a third vehicle at a Solano County stoplight, hospitalizing the Honda's driver. The cause of the three-car crash: Migden had been in the act of fumbling to answer her cell phone.

“This is noteworthy because…? Migden just voted for a new law which takes effect in 2008 that fines drivers for talking on cell phones without the aid of hands-free technology...”

Well done Midge.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Random Thoughts

Zach Johnson wins another golf tournament. Perhaps Iowa is the new Mecca for golf prodigies. I know I am holding up my end of the bargain. I was playing with a guy last week whose daughter just graduated from Drake University. Apparently Zach is slated to give the commencement address. See how I tie it all together with a pretty yellow bow?

I've run into the word "insouciance" twice today in my readings. Still not exactly sure what it means.

The Gene Simmons reality show is darn good TV.

Now begins the long summer season with no new Office episodes. It won't be easy.

2 more weeks until a little vacation. I need it. Badly.

My boss is in Disneyworld with his family. I recently heard that Walt Disney first look at Missouri to build his theme park. He was supposedly going to start here and then have one on each coast. Anheuser Busch was going to help finance the project but when Walt said beer sales wouldn't be allowed the deal fell through.

You know that Coke commercial where the old guy says, "The capital of Djibouti is Djibouti"? Turns out that is a real country over in the Middle East.

Weekends go way too fast.

Why do I buy bananas? I only eat about 40% of them.

The Cardinals won't win the World Series this year.

I'm tired. Goodnight Gracie.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Dumb and Dumber

Another title with copyright infringement potential. Get used to it...I'm not that creative.

Jerry Falwell recently passed away. It's been interesting to hear the various comments to get an idea of what kind of legacy he left. He certainly wasn't perfect and said some things early and late in his life that perhaps mitigated his Christian witness. However, he did a lot of good as well. He did stand for Biblical truth although I don't think he always approached it from a loving viewpoint. That is the difficulty in trying to get across absolute truth through a medium like television or print. People who don't agree with your position will immediately feel like you are condemning them which is an understandable reaction. This is why witnessing is most effective when you have established a relationship with someone and can take the time to convey the fact that Christianity is not ultimately an attack on their behavior but rather a plea for their heart. I have read some of the left wing sites and their comments on Falwell's death are more heartless than I imagined. The darkness out there will indeed take your breath away.

So, Imus lost his job and Akon lost his Verizon sponsor and now Opie and Anthony are suspended for giving radio time to the subject of raping the First Lady. Does anyone else find the fact that all these things are happening in quick succession kinda interesting? After 20 or so years (starting with Howard Stern) of letting media celebrities say and do whatever they want there seems to be some pent up backlash being released. Perhaps there is a rethinking of allowing free speech no matter what. After all, isn't there some level of decency and responsibility that goes along with free speech? Sure, you can say whatever you want but you don't live in a vaccuum...particularly if you work for a larger corporation whose ultimate goal is to make a buck. If your corporate boss feels you are endangering the product by alienating advertisers and listeners than your free speech will be quickly curtailed.

But these media giants are creatures of a declining culture. They were built because people liked the provocative and controversial things they were saying. The dumbest members of America flocked to them to get their fill of the basest humor around and now we wonder why so many of these blowhards exist? Don't blame the Howards of the world. Sure, there should be some personal accountability on their parts but they have jobs because the mindless drones in this country bought what they were selling...and asked for more. Now, we blame guys like Imus for their racist and sexist remarks. How could he say that? These are just young women who have overcome great obstacles in their life to get where they are. Well guess what? You created the monster. Don't pretend you have a conscience now. For some reason you now feel guilty enough that you desire scapegoats to make yourself feel morally whole again. So fire them and suspend them. Let the pendulum swing back toward the destination of decency and morality again...if even for a short while.

My guess is that it won't swing that way for long. Here is a recent stat to back up the dumbing down of America. 35% of Democrats...15% of Republicans...and 22% of the overall voting electorate believe that George Bush had knowledge of the 9/11 attacks before they occurred. Which effectively means that they believe George Bush allowed almost 3,000 civilians to die that day without lifting a finger to stop it.

Need I say more? The dumb are only getting dumber.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Is ethanol really the answer?

Researchers at Cornell University and the University of California, Berkeley have proved that it takes 29% more fossil energy to turn corn into ethanol than the amount of fuel the process produces.

Perhaps not.

Saturday, May 5, 2007

Weekend Update

Don't sue me SNL.

Ahhh...the weekend. Why only two days? Seems unfair.

Lots to catch up on. Rosie is leaving "The View". Shocking. She is either clinically insane or knew she didn't want to stay and figured she had nothing to lose by being as controversial as possible. Now we know it is the latter but let's also not rule out the former. I do think her comment that radical Christianity is as dangerous as radical Islam does offer us a glimpse of the path that Christian persecution in this nation will take.

Time came out with their "100 Most Influential People" list. As I am sure Bill Keller will point out, Jesus was left off the list again. But the biggest omission according to Sean Hannity was George Bush. He spent a good 15 minutes on this show whining about that and asking how others (including Rosie) could make the list and not Bush. Gimme a break. Is Bush really influential anymore? Powerful, sure. But who is really looking to GW for their cues on anything? He has left his Christian constituency hanging, handled the war effort (and especially the communication part of it) quite poorly and doesn't seem to be in a hurry to push forth any type of agenda whatsoever. The truth is that Rosie is way more influential than Bush and that why it is worth our time to hear what comes out of her mouth. I think Hannity is becoming less of a quality conservative voice.

The Cardinals middle reliever, Josh Hancock, was killed in a single-vehicle accident on I-40 as he ran his SUV into the back of a tow truck that was parked along the side of the road with its lights flashing. Hancock was shown to have been drunk at twice the legal limit and talking on his cell phone at the same time. Maybe some good can come from his death if kids see the dangers that can even happen to a major leaguer. I drove by where he crashed only about 4 hours earlier on my way back from a charity golf event. This incident reminds me of why you don't need to be out driving past midnight unless it's absolutely necessary. Even if you are completely sober, those around you may be quite impaired.

Great matchup tonight between de la Hoya and Mayweather. Probably best fight in well over a decade. I would love to watch it but $55 on PPV is a bit steep. I'll have to catch the replay in a week at the boss' house on HBO.

Won a 27-man poker tournament a week ago. Now that was good fun. I certainly got the right cards at the right times. Poker is a lot like trading. You have to know when to be aggressive and when to step back from risk. You have to understand money management and always know the upside and downside potential of each decision. It also helps to understand human psychology in both professions.

Definitely watching some golf this weekend. Tiger is tied for 1st after the second round. I just love watching this guy compete and everyone trying to raise their mental and physical games so they can beat him. It's fun watching everyone go at it like that.

I would mention the market but I am marketed out for now. Needless to say, I have hit a trading slump that is the worst in probably two years. A lot of that is due to the trading restrictions imposed on me by my bosses so I will just have to figure out a new way to be successful. By the looks of things so far, it ain't gonna be easy.

We are on our 5th straight day of rain. OK, we needed it I guess so thank you Lord. However, if this is what Seattle is like then I will pass.

Softball team is 2-0. I get the feeling we won't be playing Monday night as the field will likely be unplayable but it is once again proving to be a fun social diversion.

I think that's it for now. I was up way too early for a Saturday so it might be nap time soon. It's not like the sun is going to wake me up.