Opening Up My Eyes

You fought but you were just too weak
So you lost all the things you tried to keep
Now you're on your knees
You're on your knees

But wait everything can change
In a moments' time
You don't have to be afraid
'Cause fear is just a lie
Open up your eyes

And He'll break open the skies to save
Those who cry out His name
The one the wind and waves obey
Is strong enough to save you

I have heard this Tenth Avenue North song a number of times and have always liked it but tonight it hit deeper, right at my core. It's spot on. I have come to realize that the biggest idol in my life is me. Not just me...but what I can do. Ever since I was in 2nd grade I have known that I had special gifts. My above average intelligence led to straight A's, teacher approval, numerous academic awards, the pride of my parents, scholarships, special opportunities, and on and on I could go.

We talked a little bit about "cause and effect" last night in care group and I have touched upon it here before. How can you not become a slave to it when it is all you knew during your formative years? My success and my achievements were a function of my abilities and my hard work. I validated myself. I took a lot of abuse growing up because I was the smart kid. But I still knew...at the end of the day and deep inside...no one could take from me the gifts that I had.

So, although I wasn't one to go around and brag about my achievements (quite the opposite, in fact), I still found my worth in them. It was a big reason why I kinda went the opposite direction in college. I got tired of being known as the "smart kid". I wanted people to define me another way but, in the end, I still defined myself that way because it was always something I could fall back on. It was safe and comfortable and proven.

So, now I am 37 and anyone taking an objective look at my professional path would say that I am far from successful. My achievements in the workplace have been minimal. My personal attempts at trading have been met with mixed success. No promotions, no monetary increases, no largely successful firm. Whatever it was that used to bring me worth and affirmation is no longer there.

"All of the suffering of God's children happens ultimately because God loves us and has as his goal for us our spiritual enlargement." - Pastor Tullian

So God thwarts that which we have made an idol. God intervenes. And thank Him that He does. God takes away those things that have replaced Him...those things that we use to define who we are rather than defining who we are by what He has done for us. That is what He has done to me. It hasn't been fun or easy or comfortable. It's still not. But it is good...and right...and praiseworthy.

Everything can change. The One the wind and waves obey...is strong enough to save me.