Three or four months ago we had a new guy join our care group. He was invited by another member and was the first new face we had in awhile. He said he was incredibly thankful that he found this group and expressed a great desire to become a regular member. He was active in the discussion from the very beginning and seemed very willing to share his heart and lay out his struggles without fear or hesitation. In short, his presence and transparency were blessings.
This morning I received an email from him telling me to take him off the care group distribution list. No explanation.
Now, between this morning and the last time he attended a couple months ago he has taken a part-time evening job that has conflicted with the care group schedule. I had offered to move our schedule around to fit his if it would help but either his work schedule isn't consistent or he simply didn't want us to do that because he never responded to the offer.
I had sent two separate emails to him over the past month in an attempt to stay connected and to see how he is doing. That is in addition to the bi-weekly care group emails. I never got a response. Until this morning.
A month ago I bookmarked a blog entry that was geared toward pastors. It was about the range of emotions that a pastor endures when a member leaves and how they can best deal with that situation. At the time, I thought it might be useful for my friends in ministry. I wasn't thinking it was for me. God knew better. Here is one paragraph from that blog that describes how I am feeling:
"As much as they say “It’s not about you”, it usually feels like it is. It starts as a lump in the pit of your stomach that slowly makes it’s way up the twists and turns of internal plumbing, until it gets stuck firmly in the back of your throat. You didn’t see it coming and the hurt is commensurate to the level of the relationship. The closer the connection, the more intense the pain."
Granted, I had only known him a couple months but his enthusiasm and desire to be with us was good for my soul. When you open up your home, life and heart to another brother in Christ, and are quickly left with nothing, it can leave a significant void regardless of that relationship's duration.
So how should I process this? Here is what the blog suggests and I think they are good ideas:
* Be secure in the Fathers love. There was never any doubt in Jesus' mind about whether or not the Father loved him. I’ve got to believe that he knew His worth had nothing to do with how many were at the synagogue this Sabbath as compared to a year ago. The echo of the words of His baptism, “This is my son and I am really pleased with Him”, can’t be under estimated. A friend told me recently that our first thoughts every morning should focus on how much our Father loves us. Everyone else may think you are a jerk, but hey, what difference does it really make if God loves you?
* Try to play for an audience of one. Jesus says in John 6:38, “I have come to do the will of God who sent me, not what I want.” There’s a lot of pressure in trying to please everyone. As the crowd grows there will be more voices clamoring for your attention and potentially becoming offended if you don’t play their hand. One is a much less stressful number.
* Learn to process it with your inner circle. Even Jesus didn’t go at it alone. In response to his question Peter says, “Where are we going to go? You have the words of life.” You need people like that. “I’ve got your back” type of people. Sure you need some who will tell you when you’ve got spinach in your teeth, but you also need a few “I’m not going anywhere boss” types for situations like these. Do you have people like that in your inner circle? Do you have an inner circle?
* Trust in God’s sovereignty. Jesus knew ahead of time who would leave and who would stay. You and I don’t. It would be a great gift to have. It would certainly save time and a lot of grief. You may not know, but God does. And according to Romans 8:28, He will weave it into the plan in a way that serves both yours and His best interest.
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